The one thing I see repeating a lot in support forums is parents or guardians getting to a point of hopelessness. Life with a Asperger's child for parents can be one that is filled with a lot of anxiety. This anxiety manifests itself in many ways, some children are just unable function and go into a virtual self made hole while others may have extreme verbal and/or physical tantrums. As children get older it gets a lot more difficult to handle and also they become more immune to the effects of traditional punishments.
Every parent has their own way of handling situations that arise although how can we work with our children to reduce the anxiety that causes them to explode? Every child is different and I am no expert on every child with a Autism although over the next few blogs I would like to discuss some strategies that have and haven't worked for us.
First cab off the rank... Discipline...
Traditional Forms of Punishment
To the first uncomfortable word of this blog... The 'S' word... 'Smacking'... I was brought up in a fairly strict traditional household. Smacking was the basic form of punishment which then escalated to the 'willy the whaler' (a shoe horn) or a wooden spoon if so required. At one stage my parents even went as far as the old 'wash your mouth out with soap trick' for swearing... Private schools were also allowed to smack. I'll admit I received a couple blows from belts, canes and even a rounders bat in there somewhere... While now being illegal due to the misuse of these punishments by who can only be described as 'angry frustrated old men' (and some women), I was lucky and only received these punishments when I truly deserved it... Not out of anger. While many modern parents don't agree with that method I do see now that my parents actions and that of my teachers were only out of love and I appreciate and love them more for it. I wouldn't be the strong, successful and loving father I am today without it. So thanks parents and teachers, you got me there... in the end... Awesome Job!
Although as you will see below our experience over the last few months has changed our view of this out dated method...
Other traditional methods include the time out chair, sitting in the naughty corner (or on the naughty mat). None of which ever worked with our children... Then came the wonderful invention... The iPad and Internet!
Where to from Traditional?
At first the iPad was a bought as a learning tool, but it quickly turned into an addiction for our children, like many others. Many experts also believe that the bright back lights from these devices can cause sleeping problems. So many negatives for it, but how do we as parents use it to our advantage...
Now that Seraphin (our Apsi girl) and her younger sibling were getting older, traditional consequences for bad behavior were not working... They are becoming immune.... No..... What do we?!??! I'm pulling my hair out?!?!? I'm going to have a breakdown?!?! Anyone else feeling or felt the same at some stage?!?!?!
Positive Reinforcement
Ok so, first of all, I'll admit due to the challenges I had as a kid I became a 'helicopter parent'. Although helicopter parents also tend to spoil the kids (well at least we did) so what happened? The kids thought that all their technology was a right not a privilege.
We then looked at what items of technology each child used and also looked at how they were used. E.G. what sites were being viewed and what TV shows were being watched? What were the positive things being used? What did they feel good about? Yes, there were negatives but that's a discussion for another day....
Seraphin was communicating with a wider online community where she was respected for her artistic ability. I never even knew... Damn I felt terrible at first... Seraphin also listened to and found her personal taste in music using YouTube and iTunes radio etc... Both these things were a positive. So how could we use that as a positive reinforcement that was linked to right kinds of behavior? So we sat down with both children and discussed the following rules...
1. Be Respectful to people in authority - (This included be on time for class at school)
2. Follow the Routine (Not all Autistic kids like routine although most need it)
2. Complete chores
3. Complete homework (including sport practice etc...)
We then gave fair warning that all devices would now be locked from the internet. The Internet is the medium where both children accessed their outlets. Now while at first this sounds cruel, it wasn't as we linked their requirement to be positively acknowledged with it. For Seraphin one of these was the lifting of the ban from creating her own YouTube videos. This was an important additional privilege which was attached to the above 4 rules. As long as these were adhered to, she would earn 30 - 60 minutes on the internet either on her laptop or iPad. As per a previous blog Seraphin recently posted her first 'Let's Play' Video. This was a massive achievement for her. A secondary positive affect is that now she does not long to watch a lot of content that we did not feel comfortable with, as she now focuses on those things that bring her a positive outcome rather than just dulling her anxiety.
The Second Dirty Word - The 'D' Word...
Another challenge we grappled with was to whether we mix these new positive reinforcement strategies with medication. I suggest speaking with your pediatrician or other qualified health care professional as to what to do here. Although I can say a mixture of both strategies have worked well for us.
Routine and Assisting to cope with Anxiety at School
We have also had some good success with Seraphins routines, while she initially didn't like them, even she admits her anxiety with morning and evening routines are better. Our daughters school is also working with us on some strategies for the school day to assist her and her teachers to cope with anxiety based situations at school. I will save these for future posts...
To be continued...
Regards,
Materia Stone
No comments:
Post a Comment